I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
