The maid of honor just puked.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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