I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
