You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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