Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She even gives head with a lisp.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
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Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
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I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize