Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
