I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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