Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
