Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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