my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
you never un-have a 4some
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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