Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Im part way to drunk.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
