I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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