I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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