Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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