NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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