the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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