my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
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