Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Randomize
