And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
