hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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