1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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