about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
