There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
