Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Randomize
