One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
stop calling my apartment porn island.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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