you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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