I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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