god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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