Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
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its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
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Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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