i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
