i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
