didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
