God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
