I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You smell like stripper and shame
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
