wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
