You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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