I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
