the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
