There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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