My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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