He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
