I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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