Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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