And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
