your room smells of hookers.
And success
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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