i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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