What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
