I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
