And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
