I want to stick my p in your. b.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
