So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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