How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Randomize
