a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
