Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
