I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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