the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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