shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
