dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize