so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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