Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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