And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Randomize
