The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Randomize
