I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
